#laughter#amusingtales#funnycornyjokes

[greenapple]

When my non Chinoy friend asked me to teach him Hokkien, I started the first lesson as follows:
1. “Dog” = KAU
2. “Arrive” = KAU
3.”Enough” =   KAU
4. “Thick” =  KAU
5. “Hook” = KAU
6. “Drain” = KAU
7. “Submit” = KAU
8.”Monkey” = KAU
9. “9” = KAU
After that, he never returned for his second Hokkien lesson.
I wonder why…

[JLim]

Hokkien is a Chinese dialect.  Mandarin is the most important dialect used in English-speaking CM forums.  Mandarin only has 4 tones, so luckily it's a bit easier.

After that, he never returned for his second Hokkien lesson.
I wonder why…

Too bad that he hasn't stayed to learn the characters!    The writing part is much harder, which is true for any dialect!

[greenapple]

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: “I have a question to ask, but I don’t want to offend you.”

She answers, “My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.”

“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”

She responds, “Well, let’s see what we can do about that...
1) You have to be single and
2) You must be Catholic.”

The cab driver is very excited and says, “Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”

“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”

The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.

“My dear child,” said the nun, “why are you crying?”

“Forgive me, but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”

The nun says, “That’s OK. My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party!”

[PdStelle]

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, "I did some schoolwork."
The robot slaps the son.
The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."
Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
Son says, "Toy Story."
The robot slaps the son.
Son says, "Ok, Ok, we were watching porn."
Dad says, "What? At your age I didn't even know what porn was."
The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, "Well, he certainly is your son."
The robot slaps the mother.
Robot for sale.

[JLim]

The robot slaps the son.
...
The robot slaps the father.
...
The robot slaps the mother.
...

Slapping, slapping, slapping.  The truth really hurts! Maybe there are times that the truth had better remain untold

Robot for sale.

Oh, come on, why shoot the messenger? 

Today is the first day of the Winter months in the solar calendar.  Happy Winter, everybody! Happy Hai month!!

[greenapple]

Vodka and ice will ruin your kidneys.
Rum and ice will ruin your liver.
Whisky and ice will ruin your heart.
Gin and ice will ruin your brain.
Coke and ice will ruin your teeth.
Apparently, ice is really bad for you.

[PdStelle]

[Hidden post: You need login to forum to see it.]

[Ashleytl1]

A Chinese doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own clinic and puts up a sign outside.

It reads: 'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the clinic.

Lawyer: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth."

Lawyer: "Ugh. this is kerosene."

Chinese: "Congrats, your sense of taste is restored. Give me $20."

The annoyed lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: "I have lost my memory. I cannot remember anything."

Chinese: "Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth."

Lawyer (annoyed): "This is kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my taste."

Chinese: "Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20."

The fuming lawyer pays him, and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: "My eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all."

Chinese: "Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100."

Lawyer (staring at the note): "But this is $20, not $100!!"

Chinese: "Congrats, your eyesight is restored. Give me $20"

@greenapple    I needed this lol thank you!

[PdStelle]

HUGO
This teacher was always yelling at Hugo, "You're gonna drive me crazy, Hugo! I can't do it with you! Hugo, you're useless." One day, Hugo's mother went to school to see how her son was doing. The teacher told her that her son was a mess, he had the worst grades of the year and that she had never seen such an asshole child in 25 years of teaching. The mother was so frightened by this honest conversation that she decided to withdraw her son Hugo from school and move to Mexico City to have Hugo study at a specialized center.

After 25 years, the same teacher was diagnosed with severe heart disease. All the doctors consulted agreed that she needed a very delicate and very expensive surgery, which only a famous doctor living in Mexico City could do. The teacher, without hope, decided to sell everything she had and with the savings of her whole life, undertook the trip to try the expensive operation which was finally performed by the fantastic doctor, who declared that the operation was an absolute success.

When the teacher opened her eyes, she felt all the strength to return to her body and saw a young doctor standing next to her smiling. She wanted to say a few words of thanks, but she couldn't speak... Her face turned blue, she tried to raise her hand and even tried to scream, but she couldn't do it... ...and quickly... He died in front of the doctor who was trying to figure out what had happened. Then the doctor looked over to his side and saw that asshole Hugo, who worked in the hospital cleaning department, who had disconnected the ventilator to connect the vacuum cleaner.

WHAT DID YOU THINK? That Hugo had become a great cardiovascular surgeon? Sounds to me like you guys have been reading too many novels... He who is born an asshole stays an asshole all his life!

[Tientai ✝️]

For a moment I was thought for a happy end ...!!!😁😁😁😁😁

[JLim]

That joke at reply #23 also pulled my leg 

[Tientai ✝️]